Oh, what a big hug of a movie.
I cry at the end every time as Randy Newman’s warm-hearted score also sobs in the background.
Here is a dramedy portrayal of your typical (meaning: dysfunctional) American family that covers the gamut in household wins and losses: supportive marriage, anxiety disorder, love at first sight, premarital sex, pregnancy, young kids, older kids, birthday parties, proudly watching your son catch a fly ball, sullenly watching him drop it, and taking your grandma’s advice to ride the rollercoaster over the merry-go-round.
As a dad of two young daughters, I can finally officially admit that parenthood isn’t easy, and I can sense it won’t get any easier. Here’s a movie that reminds me I’m certainly not alone as a parent, and I’ve loved its company since I saw it as a kid at the now gone Festival 6 Theatre in Littleton, Colorado. (I still remember asking my mom what Steve Martin was holding during the infamous blackout dinner table scene.)
“It’s a candle,” my mom wisely fibbed.
Director Ron Howard brilliantly introduces us to the Buckman family in the first five minutes: Gil (Steve Martin) recalls memories of abandonment from his father (Jason Robards) before he and his beautiful wife (Mary Steenburgen) take the long walk from the baseball game to the parking lot with three kids in tow and St. Louis Cardinals merchandise galore dropping all over the place. The oldest son grosses out his middle sister with diarrhea songs in the Plymouth Voyager minivan on the way back home. Before bed, youngest son prefers to wear a cowboy hat and gun holster. “You’ll get cold.” Then, middle daughter projectile vomits on her exhausted dad to top off the night.
It is parenthood in the span of a few hours, and I’m grateful for this movie’s lesson that’s it’s probably best to laugh at these blunders than stress about them. (I’m still working on this.)
Leave it to a young Keanu Reeves to mentor a young Joaquin Phoenix (who went by “Leaf” at the time) about the normalcy of puberty. Leave it to Diane Wiest’s character to piece together an estranged relationship with her pregnant daughter, played by Martha Plimpton. Finally, leave it to lovable Steve Martin to put on his own mock cowboy birthday party for his oldest son because Cowboy Dan didn’t show up.
Steve is the goofy dad I strive to be. His youngest son likes to put a bucket on his head and bang it on the wall. “You must be proud,” his brother-in-law played by Rick Moranis says as he drills his only child with arithmetic and “Eastern Philosophy.” Steve’s oldest son is struggling with panic disorder, and instead of seeking solutions, he seeks the blame (“She smoked grass!”). It is all so human. It is all so relatable.
“Don’t give him any money,” Gil warns his kids when Uncle Larry arrives at the family reunion. Larry (Tom Hulce) is a compulsive gambler with big ideas and a big heart but in a lose-lose situation that is enabled by the patriarch of the family, Frank (stoically played by Jason Robards).
At the end of the movie in one of the most pivotal and vulnerable moments between father and son, Frank shares words on parenthood with Gil that cut to the bone:
“There is no end zone. You never cross the goal line, spike the ball and do your touchdown dance. Never.”
For me, watching Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen, Diane Wiest, Tom Hulce, and Jason Robards fail and achieve at parenthood kindles the sincerest sense of empathy for moms and dads I’ve experienced from the screen.
“You worry too much,” says Jason Robards to Steve Martin as he pats his cheek. My dad kindly re-enacts the gesture with me to this day.
Then, there is this hilarious exchange to balance the drama:
Larry Buckman: [approaching Grandma] Is that Grandma?!
Frank: Yeah, she’s still alive.
Larry Buckman: [Larry and Grandma laugh and embrace] Jeez Grandma, you got short.
Grandma: I’m shrinking!
Larry Buckman: [briefly chuckles] Bummer!
Reely Bernie Faves:
5. The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
6. The Godfather Part II (1974)
8. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)
10. Nosferatu (1922)
11. Pollock (2000)
12. Kicking and Screaming (1995)
13. Jaws (1975)
14. Fargo (1996)
16. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
20. The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928)
23. King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007)
24. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
25. Bambi (1942)
26. The Paradise Lost Trilogy (1996-2011)
27. Psycho (1960)
29. Swingers (1996)
30. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
31. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (2007)
32. Smoke (1995)
33. Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
35. Edward Scissorhands (1990)
37. 1917 (2019)
42. If Beale Street Could Talk (2018)
43. The Greatest Showman (2017)
44. National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)
45. The Florida Project (2017)
Reely Bernie 
It’s a great movie. I can see every reason why you like it. The Cowboy Dan scene is one for the ages.
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I’m realizing more and more how much Steve Martin and Chevy Chase represent me dad, and I strive to be like them as a dad. Some trivia: Originally, they wanted Steve Martin to be cast in Parenthood, but the ambiguity of his “older” age didn’t work for producers at first. Ron Howard has the final say, and I’m so glad they stuck with Steve. He’s like me – an older dad 🙂
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Chevy Chase would have been a hard pass – up. Steve Martin was a great choice when you look at the output. Chevy Chase reminded me more of my Dad in the first Vacation. But each movie is excellent in its own family – movie rights.
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Yes! I knew Parenthood would make your list, Bern! Another touching Ron Howard film!
I’ve quoted the behind the backstop scene between son Steve Martin and father Jason Robards…. You’re ALWAYS a parent……
And, thanks for reminding me that the boy was Joaquin Phoenix. Good trivia!
Love it! Y o d
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Amen, Daddy-oh-ho! Such a wonderful movie! I just love those two actors – Robards and Martin. I also love how Steve is an “older” dad. And, yes, that’s a young “Joaquin” who went by “Leaf” in the credits. Brother to River Phoenix. RIP. Love you!
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